Written 11/07/08
Everyone has heard about the Darkness which is within us all.
Most people have talked about the Darkness.
Some have run headlong into it to explore and find truths whether good or bad. Some last no longer then a day....others just look on but dont enter.
Some come out after getting what they deserved...stronger or weaker but ultimatly whole.
Most learn that this Darkness is alive. It lives and breaths.It is your Will, your Being.
It holds your hand in the light of day and the dark of night.
It is and has the truth that is ultimatly you.
Youve heard before that it holds your Fears...it does.
In the palm of its hand sit your Fears.
Next to the Fears sit your Dreams. Hand in hand on the palm that dictates which you see.
Without fear you have no dreams.
Without fear you have no drive.
Without fear you have no guide.
The fear of not knowing who you are, what you want, what you can be is what drives you into the Darkness.
Step onto the palm of Darkness and look straight into the eyes of your Fears and feel the hands of your Dreams on your shoulder. Accept them as they are you.
Other times a shadow sits among them.
This shadow can spread out among your fears and dreams and cauterise their link to you, to the Darkness. You feel no emotion.
It envelopes you, suffocating your thoughts. Keeping your Dreams and Fears screams from you mind.
It makes you sit in silence, alone, staring into its smoky, morbid, unyeilding black.
The only thing you feel is the pressure building in your head from the confused, un acknowledged thoughts and the expansion of your heart in your cheast as it tries to find love and a reason to live.
Try.....remember you sit in this shadow on the palm of Darkness. The one being that will never let you fall.
This shadow will kill you if you let it or it will make you even stronger then Darkness alone.
Slowly stand up. You may feel dead but your not.
Close your eyes to the shadow and feel its cold against your skin.
Accept it is part of you as only the truths that are you can sit with Darkness.
Ignore your head, let your mind go numb, it is a break from the world outside. Let your heart search, it has a right to.
The shadow is your self destructive side, the strongest Fear of all.
Be patient and accept your fate but never give in to the whispers of the shadow.
Hold out your hands.
The shadow will ooze through your fingers but eventually they will be kissed by a Fear or a Dream.
The strongest ones always find a new way to conect back to you. They are you....they just need a new way to be seen and felt.
Eventually all your Fears and Dreams will have found you.
Eventually the shadow will grow weak and shrink, just another Fear to guide you.
Eventually you will see the face of Darkness again.
Eventually Darkness will lead you back to your path where it will stand beside you.
Nothing is stronger then this ally. Nothing can kill you faster or bring you back to life faster. Nothing can dictate to it and nothing can control it. But once you find it and face it and accept it you will never have anyone closer or more important. It is you.
12 July 2008
Missing!
Written 14/02/07
What is that feeling…lack of feeling that is there when you reminisce, when you remember, when you touch your memories?
Why is there a missing link or black hole when it comes to remembering the taste, sensation and utter joy of chocolate slipping down your throat, the sensation of that excruciating physical pain you felt for days, the gentle yet passionate kiss of a sweet person, the touch, voice and smell of a dead loved one.
You have the memories, your body reacts the way it did or should and yet there is emptiness.
You cant “feel” that kiss.
You cant “smell” their scent.
You cant “taste” the chocolate and you cant “feel” the pain.
Of course you cant…you aren’t there or experiencing it at the moment but when you touch the memories part of you expects to “feel” every sensation again.
You cant, even if you truly want to with all your heart.
Besides the memories of pain the others spark little hopes and dreams.
You know you can and will taste chocolate again.
Your memories keep your loved one alive with in you and because you loved, even though it pains, you want to feel that again and you wish to feel lips touch yours again.
This empty, confused, missing link is what pushes humanity forward.
To keep living and loving. We want to “feel” everything.
Pain, touch, taste, pounding heartbeat!
We want to know we are alive, we want to be alive, we want to feel alive.
What is that feeling…lack of feeling that is there when you reminisce, when you remember, when you touch your memories?
Why is there a missing link or black hole when it comes to remembering the taste, sensation and utter joy of chocolate slipping down your throat, the sensation of that excruciating physical pain you felt for days, the gentle yet passionate kiss of a sweet person, the touch, voice and smell of a dead loved one.
You have the memories, your body reacts the way it did or should and yet there is emptiness.
You cant “feel” that kiss.
You cant “smell” their scent.
You cant “taste” the chocolate and you cant “feel” the pain.
Of course you cant…you aren’t there or experiencing it at the moment but when you touch the memories part of you expects to “feel” every sensation again.
You cant, even if you truly want to with all your heart.
Besides the memories of pain the others spark little hopes and dreams.
You know you can and will taste chocolate again.
Your memories keep your loved one alive with in you and because you loved, even though it pains, you want to feel that again and you wish to feel lips touch yours again.
This empty, confused, missing link is what pushes humanity forward.
To keep living and loving. We want to “feel” everything.
Pain, touch, taste, pounding heartbeat!
We want to know we are alive, we want to be alive, we want to feel alive.
Oranges!!
Written 1/7/07
I had a deep discussion with a friend recently about why, when hes at home in Dublin he cant find a decent orange but when he is in Cork every single one he picks up is gorgeous. Why was that deep u may ask... it struck us u could apply this to potential partners. (K, yes i will admit we are bumed at the moment about relationships but it all made sense!) Think about it... many times you see a potential partner thats looks perfect on the outside. They seem to be perfect on the inside or at least u hope they are...then u discover their taken by someone else (in the case of oranges some fucker in ur flat has robbed the one u had ur eye on!!), they are bruised by a recent relationship (again some fucker dropped ur orange!) or you get close enough to get bitten by the prick, m or f!! (the oranges scummy when u take a bite!) All right, not getting a nice orange isnt half as bad as realizing u have to leave well alone or having ur heart broken but this is where finding the right orange comes in! In terms of Oranges obviously u have to move to Cork ( ) but we can learn from this for relationships too. We decided u have to go on an adventure & break out of ur safety nets! He randomly discovered a beautiful orange after forgetting he didnt like them in Dublin so we decided u have to let go of expectations & hopes, go on an adventure (if u work out the whole leave Dublin for Cork for a decent orange we decided we prob have to leave the bloody country (drastic!!) but were thinking well try other avenues first!) hence someday we are confident the perfect "orange" will fall out of the skies when were not expecting it. Personally i prefer Mangos!
I had a deep discussion with a friend recently about why, when hes at home in Dublin he cant find a decent orange but when he is in Cork every single one he picks up is gorgeous. Why was that deep u may ask... it struck us u could apply this to potential partners. (K, yes i will admit we are bumed at the moment about relationships but it all made sense!) Think about it... many times you see a potential partner thats looks perfect on the outside. They seem to be perfect on the inside or at least u hope they are...then u discover their taken by someone else (in the case of oranges some fucker in ur flat has robbed the one u had ur eye on!!), they are bruised by a recent relationship (again some fucker dropped ur orange!) or you get close enough to get bitten by the prick, m or f!! (the oranges scummy when u take a bite!) All right, not getting a nice orange isnt half as bad as realizing u have to leave well alone or having ur heart broken but this is where finding the right orange comes in! In terms of Oranges obviously u have to move to Cork ( ) but we can learn from this for relationships too. We decided u have to go on an adventure & break out of ur safety nets! He randomly discovered a beautiful orange after forgetting he didnt like them in Dublin so we decided u have to let go of expectations & hopes, go on an adventure (if u work out the whole leave Dublin for Cork for a decent orange we decided we prob have to leave the bloody country (drastic!!) but were thinking well try other avenues first!) hence someday we are confident the perfect "orange" will fall out of the skies when were not expecting it. Personally i prefer Mangos!
Learn
Written 25/11/06
Without expectation you fall flat on your face and yet, you learn to fly again. All the fears you've just started facing stare defiantly at your soul. You know your soul is ready to face them, ever ready to learn and teach, yet your heart bleeds from old wounds in fear. Your mind bombs you with every logical reason to run but...deep down...when at one with every part of your being you ache and pain just to leave go, to trust, to heal. Are you ready?
You look up from your fall and see the one who is making you fly. You suddenly remember what it is to feel trust. The fear is so painful you grab the "fuzzy feeling" with both hands and run with it. Fears falling away. You want to heal, trust. You want to touch and be touched. Love and be loved. Trust and be trusted.
You let go and soar.
...then...the universe wallops you across the head and sends you plummeting to earth. As you fall you realise this is just another lesson. Your eyes close and tears flow. Why were you so stupid...were you?
You know how the Universe, God, Jesus whom ever, works. You know the only being you have placed any pure trust in will always, love you, teach you, gift you and hurt you. But your heart doesnt bleed from these actions. Hearts only bleed and rot from human actions. Universal actions teach and heal you and this is where you place your trust.
As you fall to earth the universe slows you and pulls you up right. You land with your two feet placed firmly on the earth. You face the world, your mind screaming 'why were you so stupid?' Your heart bleeding and crying. Its been hurt by human hands again. The "fuzzy feeling" slipping through your fingers.
Yet, you feel your soul stand firm. Forever rooted to the earth and connected to above. You feel strength balance the pain. You feel the pain and learn from it. You move forward confidently knowing you have new knowledge. New knowledge that helps you heal slowly but properly.
This is for anyone who has been hurt no matter how small or large the action. Anyone who has a lot of love but little trust pains in different ways. Just remember the only person who can truely hurt you is yourself. You learn from everyone elses actions and they cut you but it is you that keeps those sores open. Look at them, question why, and heal them.
Without expectation you fall flat on your face and yet, you learn to fly again. All the fears you've just started facing stare defiantly at your soul. You know your soul is ready to face them, ever ready to learn and teach, yet your heart bleeds from old wounds in fear. Your mind bombs you with every logical reason to run but...deep down...when at one with every part of your being you ache and pain just to leave go, to trust, to heal. Are you ready?
You look up from your fall and see the one who is making you fly. You suddenly remember what it is to feel trust. The fear is so painful you grab the "fuzzy feeling" with both hands and run with it. Fears falling away. You want to heal, trust. You want to touch and be touched. Love and be loved. Trust and be trusted.
You let go and soar.
...then...the universe wallops you across the head and sends you plummeting to earth. As you fall you realise this is just another lesson. Your eyes close and tears flow. Why were you so stupid...were you?
You know how the Universe, God, Jesus whom ever, works. You know the only being you have placed any pure trust in will always, love you, teach you, gift you and hurt you. But your heart doesnt bleed from these actions. Hearts only bleed and rot from human actions. Universal actions teach and heal you and this is where you place your trust.
As you fall to earth the universe slows you and pulls you up right. You land with your two feet placed firmly on the earth. You face the world, your mind screaming 'why were you so stupid?' Your heart bleeding and crying. Its been hurt by human hands again. The "fuzzy feeling" slipping through your fingers.
Yet, you feel your soul stand firm. Forever rooted to the earth and connected to above. You feel strength balance the pain. You feel the pain and learn from it. You move forward confidently knowing you have new knowledge. New knowledge that helps you heal slowly but properly.
This is for anyone who has been hurt no matter how small or large the action. Anyone who has a lot of love but little trust pains in different ways. Just remember the only person who can truely hurt you is yourself. You learn from everyone elses actions and they cut you but it is you that keeps those sores open. Look at them, question why, and heal them.
Garnet Blood.
Look at Garnet you see the dark, the black cloud that is within everyone...but hold it to the rays of sunlight and see its hidden beauty.
The flashes of crimson read, like pooled blood warmed with passion.
Be warned...look closer and you will see this crystal wishes to teach you.
It brought two hands together and made a heart flutter.
It was as if it was teaching how to let go and love but now it is seen the lesson goes further.
To learn to love someone else again was a bonus but to learn to love oneself was the truth behind the Garnets wink.
Its passion and love caused instinct to wither so fears would be lost, yet it knew the heart would be broken ... it was looking further.
Once broken the heart could heal wounds and mend scars.
It could be rebuilt stronger and with its doors flung open.
Garnet filling the heart with crimson red.
Staring into its core see Garnet has more to teach. Within there it marrys Hatred.
The one force left to be dealt with, dealt with head on!
Garnet draws hatred forward, see its deformed faces.
Yet hatred is a fake. It is made of the dark human emotions humanity denies itself. Anger, fear, sadness, distrust, vulnerability, disappointment, hurt, confusion... each as natural as happiness!
Garnet can show each and each ones weakness.
All lessons in their own right they are not to be feared but read and felt.
Hatred is not real, it is just a term coined to create a bubble around the insecurities of humanity .
The flashes of crimson read, like pooled blood warmed with passion.
Be warned...look closer and you will see this crystal wishes to teach you.
It brought two hands together and made a heart flutter.
It was as if it was teaching how to let go and love but now it is seen the lesson goes further.
To learn to love someone else again was a bonus but to learn to love oneself was the truth behind the Garnets wink.
Its passion and love caused instinct to wither so fears would be lost, yet it knew the heart would be broken ... it was looking further.
Once broken the heart could heal wounds and mend scars.
It could be rebuilt stronger and with its doors flung open.
Garnet filling the heart with crimson red.
Staring into its core see Garnet has more to teach. Within there it marrys Hatred.
The one force left to be dealt with, dealt with head on!
Garnet draws hatred forward, see its deformed faces.
Yet hatred is a fake. It is made of the dark human emotions humanity denies itself. Anger, fear, sadness, distrust, vulnerability, disappointment, hurt, confusion... each as natural as happiness!
Garnet can show each and each ones weakness.
All lessons in their own right they are not to be feared but read and felt.
Hatred is not real, it is just a term coined to create a bubble around the insecurities of humanity .
Bastardos.
Written 26/01/07
Would it be better to be a Skank, a slut, a whore?
Do you respond better to a body thrown at you with dull, glazed eyes and a voice so ecstatic your primitive mind can’t hear the fake tone behind it?
This would suit you better, yes?
A body, mind and soul so separated from each other, so dead to each other, so dead to the earth you do what ever your EGO desires.
No string attached.
You can rip the heart out and stamp on it as much as you wish as it is dead anyway!
Hell no! You choose different. You choose us! You choose the ones hurt from their pasts but you don’t know that we chose to learn from this pain. Yet we can not trust.
The trust must be earned.
Somewhere in your ape mind you know this. You manipulate.
You woo.
Your kind and gentle.
Your different to the other apes.
You don’t lunge…you caress,
You nudge and snuggle.
You whisper and your tender.
You lull… you test… “Stay.”
We say “no”, afraid, little alarm bells tinkling yet you have gained the trust you so desired, you smile in such a way we feel safe and know nothing will happen.
Hearts and souls together. Trust let out to live and breathe.
You caress the untouched.
Your weeks of manipulation have rewarded you with an in between glory.
We satisfy your needs till your next bang!
The next day you kill us.
You murder our trust and throw our hearts back in our faces.
We cant understand why…How could you have been so perfect and yet we missed the flaw with in your centre?
Were we really an in between glory or is this inbred social fears?
Were we as pathetic and stupid as we feel or are these inbred insecurities?
It will hurt us for a long time, weeks, months hell years!
But… we learn. In place of the person you killed a new one will rise with new knowledge. We bend and knot but we never break. You will. You will break when your heart opens. It will be trampled on along with all the pain you caused beating down its door for payment. You have a choice that day… face the pain you caused, give payment and learn or close up and wither. Well move on.
Would it be better to be a Skank, a slut, a whore?
Do you respond better to a body thrown at you with dull, glazed eyes and a voice so ecstatic your primitive mind can’t hear the fake tone behind it?
This would suit you better, yes?
A body, mind and soul so separated from each other, so dead to each other, so dead to the earth you do what ever your EGO desires.
No string attached.
You can rip the heart out and stamp on it as much as you wish as it is dead anyway!
Hell no! You choose different. You choose us! You choose the ones hurt from their pasts but you don’t know that we chose to learn from this pain. Yet we can not trust.
The trust must be earned.
Somewhere in your ape mind you know this. You manipulate.
You woo.
Your kind and gentle.
Your different to the other apes.
You don’t lunge…you caress,
You nudge and snuggle.
You whisper and your tender.
You lull… you test… “Stay.”
We say “no”, afraid, little alarm bells tinkling yet you have gained the trust you so desired, you smile in such a way we feel safe and know nothing will happen.
Hearts and souls together. Trust let out to live and breathe.
You caress the untouched.
Your weeks of manipulation have rewarded you with an in between glory.
We satisfy your needs till your next bang!
The next day you kill us.
You murder our trust and throw our hearts back in our faces.
We cant understand why…How could you have been so perfect and yet we missed the flaw with in your centre?
Were we really an in between glory or is this inbred social fears?
Were we as pathetic and stupid as we feel or are these inbred insecurities?
It will hurt us for a long time, weeks, months hell years!
But… we learn. In place of the person you killed a new one will rise with new knowledge. We bend and knot but we never break. You will. You will break when your heart opens. It will be trampled on along with all the pain you caused beating down its door for payment. You have a choice that day… face the pain you caused, give payment and learn or close up and wither. Well move on.
"Your ability to become my perfect enemy" Who?
Written 09/01/07
"Wake up and face me. Don't play dead 'cause maybe someday I will walk away and say 'you fucking disappoint me'"
Why are our lives so dependent on making other people proud?
Why are our lives so dependent on other peoples love...even the fickle love of fake people?
Why are our lives so dependent on books written by unknown people, alive some insignificant time before we took our first breaths, when you are the only significant one?
Who is to dictate what you do with your life?
Who is to dictate who you give your heart, mind, soul and body to?
Who has the rite to tell you you are making the wrong or right decisions, whether you live or die, whether you love or hurt, desire or hate?
No-one but you!
Blame others for the 'crap' only if you are 'blind' and 'dumb'.
You must 'see', that you control your kismet, your destiny, your fate, your karma.
Your path is intertwined with those of others but ultimately it is yours alone, Not even a band of Gold or Platinum can bind you to another as no mind, heart, soul or body are the same or ever one.
Remember though, to share your life and be allowed to share another is a gift but your paths run parallel, never one.
It is one path for you, the space commissioned to others so they may learn one lesson from you while they teach you another.
Hence you are your perfect enemy.
Only you can block your path. Face yourself. Stand in the terrifying, sinister dark.
Feel the agonising rain drops pierce your bare skin.
Each droplet a fear, Each fear a key, Each key a step to You.
The Dark is where the true you resides.
The Dark is where the fears hid your true self.
Face the dark and you will live, thrive and sore in the wind under the golden sun above the green earth and with peace in you soul.
To "play dead"?... just ignore the dark, keep your "eyes" closed, leave others dictate every aspect of your life, rot in the pain and die slowly. It ends eventually for everyone. In some way or another. (Quotes from A Perfect Circle song. Passive.)
"Wake up and face me. Don't play dead 'cause maybe someday I will walk away and say 'you fucking disappoint me'"
Why are our lives so dependent on making other people proud?
Why are our lives so dependent on other peoples love...even the fickle love of fake people?
Why are our lives so dependent on books written by unknown people, alive some insignificant time before we took our first breaths, when you are the only significant one?
Who is to dictate what you do with your life?
Who is to dictate who you give your heart, mind, soul and body to?
Who has the rite to tell you you are making the wrong or right decisions, whether you live or die, whether you love or hurt, desire or hate?
No-one but you!
Blame others for the 'crap' only if you are 'blind' and 'dumb'.
You must 'see', that you control your kismet, your destiny, your fate, your karma.
Your path is intertwined with those of others but ultimately it is yours alone, Not even a band of Gold or Platinum can bind you to another as no mind, heart, soul or body are the same or ever one.
Remember though, to share your life and be allowed to share another is a gift but your paths run parallel, never one.
It is one path for you, the space commissioned to others so they may learn one lesson from you while they teach you another.
Hence you are your perfect enemy.
Only you can block your path. Face yourself. Stand in the terrifying, sinister dark.
Feel the agonising rain drops pierce your bare skin.
Each droplet a fear, Each fear a key, Each key a step to You.
The Dark is where the true you resides.
The Dark is where the fears hid your true self.
Face the dark and you will live, thrive and sore in the wind under the golden sun above the green earth and with peace in you soul.
To "play dead"?... just ignore the dark, keep your "eyes" closed, leave others dictate every aspect of your life, rot in the pain and die slowly. It ends eventually for everyone. In some way or another. (Quotes from A Perfect Circle song. Passive.)
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