TRUST AND MORE

I read once that the hardest thing in life for any soul to learn is to learn to trust. Whether you believe that we only live once or we live many lives over, the hardest thing we will do is to learn to love unconditionally and to trust fully. We can feel waves of love...we can feel that intense burning to protect someone, to never be apart from the person who makes you feel alive, even to die for that persons life, but you can feel all these things and when you stop and think 'but do i trust them?' you can be shocked to see you dont.

What is it to trust fully? Is it to feel safe? To know the person you trust never plays on your fears or weaknesses but tells you truth and stands firmly by your side, not stabbing you from behind or manipulating you forward? Someone that, when they speak, you know the words are soft and not double edged with a shadowed side you cant see? Someone who simply catches you in a game of trust or who will pick you up on time? or is it even deeper... someone who you can't trust to pick you up on time but you can place all your emotional trust in... place your heart in their hands and know it will be forever safe because its deeper then material,social boundries? Are there different forms, shades, grades, degrees of trust or is there one universal form of trust? I dont know.

Ive woken up to realise a personality trait of mine has been manipulated again. A personality trait i see as a strength when i can use it right but one that can be fucked back in my face easily. I feel peoples emotions,and im an emotional person, overly sometime but i want to be because i can understand what makes that person happy. I can also use it to protect me, to avoid people who are angry and can hurt me...thats how it developed in the first place. But because it developed from anger i cant trust. I expect every good emotion to be followed by a bad one. Ive always tried to learn from this and to let go. To believe there are people out there that dont want to hurt me as much as i dont want to hurt anyone. Honestly, ive found a handful. Some of the most beautiful people this earth will ever see but to find more i have to be vulnerable. I will question your kind motives or the kind words you express the first time but if you do or say it again i will choose to believe you as i want to give you a chance. But ive realized, yet again, i was wrong to trust.

Why can one investment of trust gone wrong nearly wipe out the investments that are pure? And what happens when your vision is blurred? This time around i was in the wrong. I couldnt hold back and i couldnt hide the feelings i should have. I didnt know why until now but I needed to go through this form of "trust fucking" to see that even when you try and invest in someone who seems genuine and has no blatantly obvious manipulative traits they can lurk underneath and having blurred sight is a sign in itself to be even more protective of yourself. But this could make me close off completely... i dont want to close off to the world. Im not going to close off because for every fist full of people who have hurt and manipulated me ive been given the beautiful gift of one person who is worth everyone of those manipulative assholes and more. And the pain caused by one is not worth destroying the love and trust from another.



Speak truth, always speak truth. Dont speak at all if its not. If speaking the truth could hurt you or someone, question how it got that way in the first place. If you lie, expect a lie back. If you hurt on purpose youll hurt back. If it makes you sick walk away, if it hurts walk away, if it makes you cry walk away, if it makes you bleed walk away. If it makes you smile hold tight, if it makes you feel safe hold it tight, if it makes you cry because your heart is exploding with love hold it tight...if you trust it, never, ever let go! Trust = Love = Happiness.

It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust nobody.
English proverb

Don't trust the person who has broken faith once.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

The person who truely loves you and cares will listen to truth when you speak it. They will trust you even more for your honesty.

Learn

Written 25/11/06

Without expectation you fall flat on your face and yet, you learn to fly again. All the fears you've just started facing stare defiantly at your soul. You know your soul is ready to face them, ever ready to learn and teach, yet your heart bleeds from old wounds in fear. Your mind bombs you with every logical reason to run but...deep down...when at one with every part of your being you ache and pain just to leave go, to trust, to heal. Are you ready?

You look up from your fall and see the one who is making you fly. You suddenly remember what it is to feel trust. The fear is so painful you grab the "fuzzy feeling" with both hands and run with it. Fears falling away. You want to heal, trust. You want to touch and be touched. Love and be loved. Trust and be trusted.

You let go and soar.

...then...the universe wallops you across the head and sends you plummeting to earth. As you fall you realise this is just another lesson. Your eyes close and tears flow. Why were you so stupid...were you?
You know how the Universe, God, Jesus whom ever, works. You know the only being you have placed any pure trust in will always, love you, teach you, gift you and hurt you. But your heart doesnt bleed from these actions. Hearts only bleed and rot from human actions. Universal actions teach and heal you and this is where you place your trust.

As you fall to earth the universe slows you and pulls you up right. You land with your two feet placed firmly on the earth. You face the world, your mind screaming 'why were you so stupid?' Your heart bleeding and crying. Its been hurt by human hands again. The "fuzzy feeling" slipping through your fingers.
Yet, you feel your soul stand firm. Forever rooted to the earth and connected to above. You feel strength balance the pain. You feel the pain and learn from it. You move forward confidently knowing you have new knowledge. New knowledge that helps you heal slowly but properly.




This is for anyone who has been hurt no matter how small or large the action. Anyone who has a lot of love but little trust pains in different ways. Just remember the only person who can truely hurt you is yourself. You learn from everyone elses actions and they cut you but it is you that keeps those sores open. Look at them, question why, and heal them.