Is it worth it?

Are the words you speak worth speaking? Are the words you hear worth listening to? Are the things you see worth seeing? Is the pain you feel worth feeling? Is the love your giving worth giving? Is the person you give to worth giving to? Are the gifts you recieve truely gifts and worth reciveing? Are the choices you make worth making? Is everything truely worth all of you?

Do you really see me....or me you?

To go from screaming in pain, tears rushing down your face, your body shaking and rocking uncontrollably to switching it all off in a second. Your face goes hard and cold looking, you dont recognize the death mask but you dont care, the vulnerability is gone. The anger and fear go back to their rightful home in the pit of your dead stomach. You stand up, straight and taller then ever before! You feel the barriers come crashing down around you and you dont care that their struts burst through your skin, drive through every muscle, and lodge in your heart, they keep you 'protected'. Your legs buckle under the pressure but you like the physical pain.It pushes you. To lock your pain away your stomach muscles tighten so much you want to throw up. Your chest rises less and less as if a proper breath would let your heart free. You dont care. To finish off you bring a delicate veil over your body so people see pink around you. Your lips curl into a smile, you even know which muscles to move around your eyes to make them look more alive. Spoken to, you control your voice. You are a deception, a fake, a lier and a damn fine actress. Everyone is deceptive but to watch your skill is frightening... and a lesson.

Im a listener not a feeler!!

I woke up this morning thinking where the fuck has my ability to use a simple thing like a clutch gone! I was always able to use the fucking shite clutch in the car but the past few weeks i was being beaten by it! Then this morning while rocking out to The Subways it hit me "I'm a feeler not a listener." Besides the confidence shattering first lesson i had i was being told to listen to the car....forgetting my dad taught me to feel the car. Everyone says "youll feel the biting point" but then seem to say listen to the car and youll know if its about to cut out. uh...yea....not me!! (for those peeps out there that do both...i hate you!) .... (joke!;) ) anyway i went out, turned the music up and took off...and had a smooth drive!! I just felt the car, glanced at the revs (had to make sure i wasnt gona make the car blow up!) and forgot everything i had been taught about how to drive the car!

Had to laugh as it hit me this is such a metaphor for how i approach life in general!! ;)