Written 23/03/08
The crashing waves outside
The hush of the wind in the trees
The breeze through the hut cools me
kissing my face, my neck, my hands, my knees
The flickering light of the candle
casts shadows behind my closed eyes
I sit with my back straight, its screaming
But truely i dont have a fear
In his chanting im lost and im free
I trust and learn how to breath
The gifts he has given me are endless
For once in my life ... Im at peace.
9 July 2009
FUCKIN HELL ... PG RATED!
Written Dec 08
So, last night in the space of 2 hours i learnt about Breast Cancer, Cervical Cancer, Osteoporosis and Menopause! (Lads if ye cant handle Periods I wouldn’t read this!) Girls, by the end of the night i wanted to fuck myself down the stairs and be done with it all!
'Feel your boobies' is the new slogan from The Irish Cancer Society. Ya gotta love it! Besides the fear factor behind the talk, the fact that women don’t 'feel their boobies' enough was driven home. The horror stories our young doctor told us were frightening and they all stemmed from different female insecurities. Mainly not wanting to check incase they do find a lump, and an annoying stigmatism around touching your own breasts (they aint just for guys to play with and babies to live off!). After hearing about a woman who ignored it till her whole breast was one big tumour or the woman’s breast that was ulcerated or the one where the tumour had basically eaten the breast till the woman looked like she had none, Im going to happily feel mine! The girlies in my life, please feel your boobies cause it might save your life AND you get to know your body a little bit more and accept it and i think that’s one major plus! (Sorry if you read this Der! ;p ... ps guys can get Breast cancer too and its a whole lot worse so GUYS...feel your boobies too!)
Anyway after that little scare/love your body this will prob make you hate it but i cant help but think Menopause is a laugh. (if I didn’t laugh I wud have thrown myself down those inviting stairs!) (Ps if there are actually guys still reading this, this is not a male bashing, women go thru hell spiel....well its not male bashing, its more a 'you lucky fuckers!') Besides the fact it can take up to two years of symptoms before you actually hit Menopause it can take another two before your symptom free!! Four fucking years!! And that’s after on average of about 500 periods!! Heres the beautiful list of what we can look forward to: Irregular Bleeding, Hot Flushes, Vaginal Thinning & Dryness which can obviously lead to a loss of sex drive and changing sexual responses! Your teeth become weaker and can start to fall out (for some reason this one really freaked me out! Priorities!). Your abdomen muscles become weak and loose all tone and that’s after everything really does go south!! Your cholesterol shoots sky high which means higher risk of heart attack, Osteoporosis (drink your milk girls cause in our mid 30s our bones decay faster then they rebuild themselves!!), Weight Gain, Mood Changes (lol!! that’s not that new!), Urinary Problems, Night Sweats, Insomnia, Joint and Muscle Pain, Headaches/Migraine and finally Crashing Fatigue! EXCELLENT!!
I cant wait! I asked what guys suffered from around this time and the nice Doctor laughed and said 'they get fat bellies and new cars!' Lucky Fucks!!
Then we moved onto stress.....which basically in the end her best tip for helping fight stress was, if your lucky, a good family that doesn’t add to the stress but definitely to have at least one confidant and a host of close friends. I smiled to myself and thought of the beautiful friends i have and how the girlies and myself are going to turn into heaving blobs of moodiness all at the same time and how I’m going to relish watching my guys get pudgy and blow their money on cars while being nagged and battered by their blobby, moody wives! AH! ..... i just figured out what the guys suffer from! They have to deal with the blobby moody wives and if they fuck up they get PUNISHED like no other!! Ok....i feel better now!! HEEHEE!!!
....... what happens if your going to be a blobby, moody woman AND YOU want the new sports car??!! Oh yea....cant wait to go through it with ye!! ;p
So, last night in the space of 2 hours i learnt about Breast Cancer, Cervical Cancer, Osteoporosis and Menopause! (Lads if ye cant handle Periods I wouldn’t read this!) Girls, by the end of the night i wanted to fuck myself down the stairs and be done with it all!
'Feel your boobies' is the new slogan from The Irish Cancer Society. Ya gotta love it! Besides the fear factor behind the talk, the fact that women don’t 'feel their boobies' enough was driven home. The horror stories our young doctor told us were frightening and they all stemmed from different female insecurities. Mainly not wanting to check incase they do find a lump, and an annoying stigmatism around touching your own breasts (they aint just for guys to play with and babies to live off!). After hearing about a woman who ignored it till her whole breast was one big tumour or the woman’s breast that was ulcerated or the one where the tumour had basically eaten the breast till the woman looked like she had none, Im going to happily feel mine! The girlies in my life, please feel your boobies cause it might save your life AND you get to know your body a little bit more and accept it and i think that’s one major plus! (Sorry if you read this Der! ;p ... ps guys can get Breast cancer too and its a whole lot worse so GUYS...feel your boobies too!)
Anyway after that little scare/love your body this will prob make you hate it but i cant help but think Menopause is a laugh. (if I didn’t laugh I wud have thrown myself down those inviting stairs!) (Ps if there are actually guys still reading this, this is not a male bashing, women go thru hell spiel....well its not male bashing, its more a 'you lucky fuckers!') Besides the fact it can take up to two years of symptoms before you actually hit Menopause it can take another two before your symptom free!! Four fucking years!! And that’s after on average of about 500 periods!! Heres the beautiful list of what we can look forward to: Irregular Bleeding, Hot Flushes, Vaginal Thinning & Dryness which can obviously lead to a loss of sex drive and changing sexual responses! Your teeth become weaker and can start to fall out (for some reason this one really freaked me out! Priorities!). Your abdomen muscles become weak and loose all tone and that’s after everything really does go south!! Your cholesterol shoots sky high which means higher risk of heart attack, Osteoporosis (drink your milk girls cause in our mid 30s our bones decay faster then they rebuild themselves!!), Weight Gain, Mood Changes (lol!! that’s not that new!), Urinary Problems, Night Sweats, Insomnia, Joint and Muscle Pain, Headaches/Migraine and finally Crashing Fatigue! EXCELLENT!!
I cant wait! I asked what guys suffered from around this time and the nice Doctor laughed and said 'they get fat bellies and new cars!' Lucky Fucks!!
Then we moved onto stress.....which basically in the end her best tip for helping fight stress was, if your lucky, a good family that doesn’t add to the stress but definitely to have at least one confidant and a host of close friends. I smiled to myself and thought of the beautiful friends i have and how the girlies and myself are going to turn into heaving blobs of moodiness all at the same time and how I’m going to relish watching my guys get pudgy and blow their money on cars while being nagged and battered by their blobby, moody wives! AH! ..... i just figured out what the guys suffer from! They have to deal with the blobby moody wives and if they fuck up they get PUNISHED like no other!! Ok....i feel better now!! HEEHEE!!!
....... what happens if your going to be a blobby, moody woman AND YOU want the new sports car??!! Oh yea....cant wait to go through it with ye!! ;p
7 May 2009
TRUST AND MORE
I read once that the hardest thing in life for any soul to learn is to learn to trust. Whether you believe that we only live once or we live many lives over, the hardest thing we will do is to learn to love unconditionally and to trust fully. We can feel waves of love...we can feel that intense burning to protect someone, to never be apart from the person who makes you feel alive, even to die for that persons life, but you can feel all these things and when you stop and think 'but do i trust them?' you can be shocked to see you dont.
What is it to trust fully? Is it to feel safe? To know the person you trust never plays on your fears or weaknesses but tells you truth and stands firmly by your side, not stabbing you from behind or manipulating you forward? Someone that, when they speak, you know the words are soft and not double edged with a shadowed side you cant see? Someone who simply catches you in a game of trust or who will pick you up on time? or is it even deeper... someone who you can't trust to pick you up on time but you can place all your emotional trust in... place your heart in their hands and know it will be forever safe because its deeper then material,social boundries? Are there different forms, shades, grades, degrees of trust or is there one universal form of trust? I dont know.
Ive woken up to realise a personality trait of mine has been manipulated again. A personality trait i see as a strength when i can use it right but one that can be fucked back in my face easily. I feel peoples emotions,and im an emotional person, overly sometime but i want to be because i can understand what makes that person happy. I can also use it to protect me, to avoid people who are angry and can hurt me...thats how it developed in the first place. But because it developed from anger i cant trust. I expect every good emotion to be followed by a bad one. Ive always tried to learn from this and to let go. To believe there are people out there that dont want to hurt me as much as i dont want to hurt anyone. Honestly, ive found a handful. Some of the most beautiful people this earth will ever see but to find more i have to be vulnerable. I will question your kind motives or the kind words you express the first time but if you do or say it again i will choose to believe you as i want to give you a chance. But ive realized, yet again, i was wrong to trust.
Why can one investment of trust gone wrong nearly wipe out the investments that are pure? And what happens when your vision is blurred? This time around i was in the wrong. I couldnt hold back and i couldnt hide the feelings i should have. I didnt know why until now but I needed to go through this form of "trust fucking" to see that even when you try and invest in someone who seems genuine and has no blatantly obvious manipulative traits they can lurk underneath and having blurred sight is a sign in itself to be even more protective of yourself. But this could make me close off completely... i dont want to close off to the world. Im not going to close off because for every fist full of people who have hurt and manipulated me ive been given the beautiful gift of one person who is worth everyone of those manipulative assholes and more. And the pain caused by one is not worth destroying the love and trust from another.
Speak truth, always speak truth. Dont speak at all if its not. If speaking the truth could hurt you or someone, question how it got that way in the first place. If you lie, expect a lie back. If you hurt on purpose youll hurt back. If it makes you sick walk away, if it hurts walk away, if it makes you cry walk away, if it makes you bleed walk away. If it makes you smile hold tight, if it makes you feel safe hold it tight, if it makes you cry because your heart is exploding with love hold it tight...if you trust it, never, ever let go! Trust = Love = Happiness.
It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust nobody.
English proverb
Don't trust the person who has broken faith once.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
The person who truely loves you and cares will listen to truth when you speak it. They will trust you even more for your honesty.
I read once that the hardest thing in life for any soul to learn is to learn to trust. Whether you believe that we only live once or we live many lives over, the hardest thing we will do is to learn to love unconditionally and to trust fully. We can feel waves of love...we can feel that intense burning to protect someone, to never be apart from the person who makes you feel alive, even to die for that persons life, but you can feel all these things and when you stop and think 'but do i trust them?' you can be shocked to see you dont.
What is it to trust fully? Is it to feel safe? To know the person you trust never plays on your fears or weaknesses but tells you truth and stands firmly by your side, not stabbing you from behind or manipulating you forward? Someone that, when they speak, you know the words are soft and not double edged with a shadowed side you cant see? Someone who simply catches you in a game of trust or who will pick you up on time? or is it even deeper... someone who you can't trust to pick you up on time but you can place all your emotional trust in... place your heart in their hands and know it will be forever safe because its deeper then material,social boundries? Are there different forms, shades, grades, degrees of trust or is there one universal form of trust? I dont know.
Ive woken up to realise a personality trait of mine has been manipulated again. A personality trait i see as a strength when i can use it right but one that can be fucked back in my face easily. I feel peoples emotions,and im an emotional person, overly sometime but i want to be because i can understand what makes that person happy. I can also use it to protect me, to avoid people who are angry and can hurt me...thats how it developed in the first place. But because it developed from anger i cant trust. I expect every good emotion to be followed by a bad one. Ive always tried to learn from this and to let go. To believe there are people out there that dont want to hurt me as much as i dont want to hurt anyone. Honestly, ive found a handful. Some of the most beautiful people this earth will ever see but to find more i have to be vulnerable. I will question your kind motives or the kind words you express the first time but if you do or say it again i will choose to believe you as i want to give you a chance. But ive realized, yet again, i was wrong to trust.
Why can one investment of trust gone wrong nearly wipe out the investments that are pure? And what happens when your vision is blurred? This time around i was in the wrong. I couldnt hold back and i couldnt hide the feelings i should have. I didnt know why until now but I needed to go through this form of "trust fucking" to see that even when you try and invest in someone who seems genuine and has no blatantly obvious manipulative traits they can lurk underneath and having blurred sight is a sign in itself to be even more protective of yourself. But this could make me close off completely... i dont want to close off to the world. Im not going to close off because for every fist full of people who have hurt and manipulated me ive been given the beautiful gift of one person who is worth everyone of those manipulative assholes and more. And the pain caused by one is not worth destroying the love and trust from another.
Speak truth, always speak truth. Dont speak at all if its not. If speaking the truth could hurt you or someone, question how it got that way in the first place. If you lie, expect a lie back. If you hurt on purpose youll hurt back. If it makes you sick walk away, if it hurts walk away, if it makes you cry walk away, if it makes you bleed walk away. If it makes you smile hold tight, if it makes you feel safe hold it tight, if it makes you cry because your heart is exploding with love hold it tight...if you trust it, never, ever let go! Trust = Love = Happiness.
It is an equal failing to trust everybody, and to trust nobody.
English proverb
Don't trust the person who has broken faith once.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
The person who truely loves you and cares will listen to truth when you speak it. They will trust you even more for your honesty.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)