Written 26/01/07
Would it be better to be a Skank, a slut, a whore?
Do you respond better to a body thrown at you with dull, glazed eyes and a voice so ecstatic your primitive mind can’t hear the fake tone behind it?
This would suit you better, yes?
A body, mind and soul so separated from each other, so dead to each other, so dead to the earth you do what ever your EGO desires.
No string attached.
You can rip the heart out and stamp on it as much as you wish as it is dead anyway!
Hell no! You choose different. You choose us! You choose the ones hurt from their pasts but you don’t know that we chose to learn from this pain. Yet we can not trust.
The trust must be earned.
Somewhere in your ape mind you know this. You manipulate.
You woo.
Your kind and gentle.
Your different to the other apes.
You don’t lunge…you caress,
You nudge and snuggle.
You whisper and your tender.
You lull… you test… “Stay.”
We say “no”, afraid, little alarm bells tinkling yet you have gained the trust you so desired, you smile in such a way we feel safe and know nothing will happen.
Hearts and souls together. Trust let out to live and breathe.
You caress the untouched.
Your weeks of manipulation have rewarded you with an in between glory.
We satisfy your needs till your next bang!
The next day you kill us.
You murder our trust and throw our hearts back in our faces.
We cant understand why…How could you have been so perfect and yet we missed the flaw with in your centre?
Were we really an in between glory or is this inbred social fears?
Were we as pathetic and stupid as we feel or are these inbred insecurities?
It will hurt us for a long time, weeks, months hell years!
But… we learn. In place of the person you killed a new one will rise with new knowledge. We bend and knot but we never break. You will. You will break when your heart opens. It will be trampled on along with all the pain you caused beating down its door for payment. You have a choice that day… face the pain you caused, give payment and learn or close up and wither. Well move on.
12 July 2008
"Your ability to become my perfect enemy" Who?
Written 09/01/07
"Wake up and face me. Don't play dead 'cause maybe someday I will walk away and say 'you fucking disappoint me'"
Why are our lives so dependent on making other people proud?
Why are our lives so dependent on other peoples love...even the fickle love of fake people?
Why are our lives so dependent on books written by unknown people, alive some insignificant time before we took our first breaths, when you are the only significant one?
Who is to dictate what you do with your life?
Who is to dictate who you give your heart, mind, soul and body to?
Who has the rite to tell you you are making the wrong or right decisions, whether you live or die, whether you love or hurt, desire or hate?
No-one but you!
Blame others for the 'crap' only if you are 'blind' and 'dumb'.
You must 'see', that you control your kismet, your destiny, your fate, your karma.
Your path is intertwined with those of others but ultimately it is yours alone, Not even a band of Gold or Platinum can bind you to another as no mind, heart, soul or body are the same or ever one.
Remember though, to share your life and be allowed to share another is a gift but your paths run parallel, never one.
It is one path for you, the space commissioned to others so they may learn one lesson from you while they teach you another.
Hence you are your perfect enemy.
Only you can block your path. Face yourself. Stand in the terrifying, sinister dark.
Feel the agonising rain drops pierce your bare skin.
Each droplet a fear, Each fear a key, Each key a step to You.
The Dark is where the true you resides.
The Dark is where the fears hid your true self.
Face the dark and you will live, thrive and sore in the wind under the golden sun above the green earth and with peace in you soul.
To "play dead"?... just ignore the dark, keep your "eyes" closed, leave others dictate every aspect of your life, rot in the pain and die slowly. It ends eventually for everyone. In some way or another. (Quotes from A Perfect Circle song. Passive.)
"Wake up and face me. Don't play dead 'cause maybe someday I will walk away and say 'you fucking disappoint me'"
Why are our lives so dependent on making other people proud?
Why are our lives so dependent on other peoples love...even the fickle love of fake people?
Why are our lives so dependent on books written by unknown people, alive some insignificant time before we took our first breaths, when you are the only significant one?
Who is to dictate what you do with your life?
Who is to dictate who you give your heart, mind, soul and body to?
Who has the rite to tell you you are making the wrong or right decisions, whether you live or die, whether you love or hurt, desire or hate?
No-one but you!
Blame others for the 'crap' only if you are 'blind' and 'dumb'.
You must 'see', that you control your kismet, your destiny, your fate, your karma.
Your path is intertwined with those of others but ultimately it is yours alone, Not even a band of Gold or Platinum can bind you to another as no mind, heart, soul or body are the same or ever one.
Remember though, to share your life and be allowed to share another is a gift but your paths run parallel, never one.
It is one path for you, the space commissioned to others so they may learn one lesson from you while they teach you another.
Hence you are your perfect enemy.
Only you can block your path. Face yourself. Stand in the terrifying, sinister dark.
Feel the agonising rain drops pierce your bare skin.
Each droplet a fear, Each fear a key, Each key a step to You.
The Dark is where the true you resides.
The Dark is where the fears hid your true self.
Face the dark and you will live, thrive and sore in the wind under the golden sun above the green earth and with peace in you soul.
To "play dead"?... just ignore the dark, keep your "eyes" closed, leave others dictate every aspect of your life, rot in the pain and die slowly. It ends eventually for everyone. In some way or another. (Quotes from A Perfect Circle song. Passive.)
10 February 2008
India 5
Hey guys,
Just said id email this as well as put it on my blog.
Im in a tiny place called Agonda in Goa. Its tiny and beautiful. Palm trees, green hills each side of the beach. Im in a beach hut which is fallin apart really but its cut and im right on the beach. I fall asleep and wake up to the sound of the sea and i can kie in bed looking out at it......sorry i know this is kinda rubbing it it but God its good!!!! :D
Myself and Dan headed down here on a sleeper bus two nights ago from hampi. (seriously everyone should experience Hampi once in their lives) 10 hours. At first i was up for the trip. Sitting on my double bed, looking out the bus window, being bounced out of it every now and then (i was at the very back!). When i lay down , and discovered id have to hack my legs off to my knees to fit in the bed lying down, i could see the stars! But as the night went on i discovered i wouldnt be sleeping!! The beds mattress (like all here) was as thin as a sheet so every time we went over a pothole or one of the millions of speed bumps along any Indian road my spine got smashed. At one stage i was lying on my right side and what ever the bus driver went over i flew up out of my bed and came smashing down on my ribs! I was winded for a few minutes! After a while i just accepted the lack of sleep and watched the stars while trying to relax over every speed bump. I do think the bus driver was on LSD tho cause after a few hours i know he sped up and instead of kind of slowing down to give you warning a speed bump was coming he just roared over it!!!! I know we went around a few corners on two wheel too!! In fairness im giving out but looking back on it it was some experience!! Im def a train girl tho and since it turns out trains are cheaper then some buses i think ill be going the posh way from now on. ;p
Ive a feeling my emails are gona get shorter and shorter as the days go by due to the fact ive decided to stay in a few places for long periods of time. Im getting lazy (and annoyed!) with all the travelling and planing and my budget keeps getting a bit ...m...stretched, so im gona follow the sun and karnatak music down south and see where i end up. Probably Thailand if things stay going the way they are!
Just said id email this as well as put it on my blog.
Im in a tiny place called Agonda in Goa. Its tiny and beautiful. Palm trees, green hills each side of the beach. Im in a beach hut which is fallin apart really but its cut and im right on the beach. I fall asleep and wake up to the sound of the sea and i can kie in bed looking out at it......sorry i know this is kinda rubbing it it but God its good!!!! :D
Myself and Dan headed down here on a sleeper bus two nights ago from hampi. (seriously everyone should experience Hampi once in their lives) 10 hours. At first i was up for the trip. Sitting on my double bed, looking out the bus window, being bounced out of it every now and then (i was at the very back!). When i lay down , and discovered id have to hack my legs off to my knees to fit in the bed lying down, i could see the stars! But as the night went on i discovered i wouldnt be sleeping!! The beds mattress (like all here) was as thin as a sheet so every time we went over a pothole or one of the millions of speed bumps along any Indian road my spine got smashed. At one stage i was lying on my right side and what ever the bus driver went over i flew up out of my bed and came smashing down on my ribs! I was winded for a few minutes! After a while i just accepted the lack of sleep and watched the stars while trying to relax over every speed bump. I do think the bus driver was on LSD tho cause after a few hours i know he sped up and instead of kind of slowing down to give you warning a speed bump was coming he just roared over it!!!! I know we went around a few corners on two wheel too!! In fairness im giving out but looking back on it it was some experience!! Im def a train girl tho and since it turns out trains are cheaper then some buses i think ill be going the posh way from now on. ;p
Ive a feeling my emails are gona get shorter and shorter as the days go by due to the fact ive decided to stay in a few places for long periods of time. Im getting lazy (and annoyed!) with all the travelling and planing and my budget keeps getting a bit ...m...stretched, so im gona follow the sun and karnatak music down south and see where i end up. Probably Thailand if things stay going the way they are!
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